would've been wordless wednesday.....

what you're missing

My love,
I've been trying to not keep score. To not notice the events that have passed. The moments you have missed....But my attemtps have been futile. With every new milestone, with every new experience, I note your absence.
Briar has had two birthdays without his daddy now. How did that happen? TWO birthdays? He is only three. You were here for the day of his birth and his first birthday. It breaks my heart that he won't remember you. We talk about you often to ensure that he grows with a sense of who you are and ,hopefully, reinforces the memories that he DOES have of you.
Yesterday, he started at Farmhands with Liv AND his first set of swimming lessons. He was so proud to show me the 'rocket ship hands' that his instructor had shown him. He rode the pony at Farmhands and grinned the entire time he was atop his stead.
The week before you died, you taught Liv how to ride her bike without training wheels. I am so thankful for this tangible connection she will always have to you. When you died, she balked at getting on her bike without the training wheels for a very long time. Suddenly, she has become confident with her biking skills again and is so enthusiastic to ride for such long periods of time. She'd like to have a 'bike riding party' with her friends.
You became a grandfather last week. It saddens me so that your daughter, Jessie, will never have you grin at her with pride over the little babe she brought into the world and that this little boy will grow up never meeting the silly and loving man that was his grampie. That he won't experience the incessant teasing that you are known for and the comfort of your all-encompassing embrace.
I hope that, in some way, you are out there experiencing all these events with each one of us. Sharing in each joy and staying close to us with each painful experience.
You are so missed and each new happening highlights the void you left. We all love you.

walk and talk

I went for a LOVELY Spring-like walk today with our friends, Krista and Michele while Liv was at farmhands. I so enjoyed our walk and our talk. It is fabulous to be able to talk to these other homeschool mommies (and our littler ones) about our successes and failures with lots of laughter along the way. I really relish these times and thoroughly look forward to hanging out again.

When I got home from our walk, I noticed a clipping that I always have on the fridge and it made me think of our conversation:

10 Ways We Misunderstand Children

1. We expect children to be able to do things before they are ready.

2. We become angry when a child fails to meet our needs.

3. We mistrust the child's motives.

4. We don't allow children to be children.

5. We get it backwards (instead of accepting our parental role to meet the child's needs, we expect the child to care for our needs.)

6. We blame and criticize when a child makes a mistake.

7. We forget how deeply blame and criticism can hurt a child.

8. We forget how healing loving actions can be.

9. We forget that our behaviour provides the most potent lessons to the child.

10. We see only the outward behaviour, not the love and good intentions inside the child.

(From the Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart by Jan Hunt)

There is not much giggling in this clipping but the feelings were the same, I think.

I love how human and flawed we can be together. I cherish the insights and forgotten comforts that other mommies have to share with eachother. And even though in 'blog-land', we can all pick and choose what the world sees through our 'open curtains' (thanks Michele!) we ALL have moments that we wouldn't want to be recorded.

The point was made that although we try our best to make our children's childhoods the BEST that they can be, we also must parent in the way that gives us joy as well. I had never thought of that and it warms me inside that my children and I can enjoy this journey of learning together.

Anyhow, I am not sure if this sounds like one cohesive post or like a bit of aimless rambling, but it's what I thought about today and wanted to share.... :)

P.S. I just listed these little bunnies on Etsy ! I am hoping to get a few more things on there in the next little bit...