Friday, January 22, 2010

ode to your toothbrush

Also posted on Widow's Voice

If the toothbrush holder is a reflection of the household occupants, people would think that we were the perfect family of four. A girl, a boy, a mommy, a daddy.
All of our toothbrushes stand huddled together in the cup. As I sit on the toilet, I imagine that my toothbrush is staring at yours, begging yours to come back to life. Your toothbrush stares emotionless ahead. Like one of those soldiers in Britain with the big fluffy hats.
I irrationally despise the arrival of our new toothbrushes at the prescribed three months. It seems to mark a measure of time that has been lost since you died. I get tired of your toothbrush. I have stared so closely at the bristles pondering the bits of dried toothpaste embedded there. I've wondered if there is enough DNA to clone you upon its' head. I've mused about what pieces of food are trapped within its' plastic spikes that comprised your last meal. I've weighed the likelihood of my loss of mental health and mulled over the thought that maybe all widow/ers think these bizarre thoughts....over a toothbrush.


AndreaRenee said...

I still have Matt's, too... XOXO
PS - you cracked me up with your comment on my blog about the word verification! =P
Love you, too, and we DO have to get together again soon - I miss you!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

I stumbled on your blog. I felt your sadness. I have a lump in my throat. I don't know what I would do without my partner.

Suddenwidow said...

Yup, many of us have the same thoughts and you aren't losing your mind, or we're all going right along with you! Austin's is still in it's holder, right beside mine. And I've had the same thought about whether there is enough DNA to replicate him when the technology becomes widely available. Yup, we're both losing it:)) Looking forward to seeing you on the 13th! I'll send you an email when the time gets closer.

Have a good weekend.

Cadi said...

I lost my boy-friend this week. - There's more about the story that isn't suitable for my blog at this point, but anyhow. We had a long distance relationship. He had just returned to NZ two weeks ago. We talked Tuesday night, made plans for my visit this summer & his in the autumn. That night he had a heart attack and died. I have very little "memorabilia." - I wish I had his toothbrush.

Mama_Bear_Sarah said...

I still have Brett's also ...and his razor and his deodorant ...all in the same spots, just in case. In case it's all an ugly dream and I'm going to wake up soon. Or in case he walks through the door and says "Just Kidding!" Or in case we really can clone them someday.

you're not alone girlie.


Jenny Davis said...

This had me in tears. Especially the part about your brush staring at Jeff's.