Friday, January 08, 2010

strength and surrender

Image from Slycraft
Also published on Widow's Voice

The two words, strength and surrender seem to be at odds with each other. Opposites. Seperate.
As a young widow, one of the phrases that I hear so often is "You're so strong!". Throughout this journey, as many of you feel as well, I haven't felt strong. I have often felt weak and lost. I have felt vulnerable and afraid. I have felt that I have given up and been broken.

But when I look back over the last 21 months, I realize that I have become stronger. More resilient. More capable. Wiser.

I have learned that surrender is not akin to weakness. It's not 'giving up'. It is allowing yourself to be at peace with what has, will or might happen. To let go. To roll with it.

I have learned to stop fighting against it. I don't beg whatever higher power may be up there for my old life back any longer, even though I miss it every moment of every day. I don't scream out against injustice and wonder why this happened. I accept and I surrender. I now know that whatever life throws at me, I will deal with it.

I have become strong enough to surrender.


Mrs. Spit said...

I get, well, angry when people tell me that I am so strong. As if telling me that absolves them of the need to be kind, or if they are somehow implying that if this terrible thing happened to them, they would die.

Thanks for describing it in such a new way.

Mel said...

Beautiful, Jackie. Thank you for reminding me what it means. So true.

carrie said...

you're pretty f-ing amazing Jackie....I am so confused when people tell me how strong I am, you lay it out so clearly.

Abigail said...

Perfect and eloquent.

AndreaRenee said...

LOVE this post. Especially the last line - it really drives it home for me. XOXO

Roads said...

Wise words. You're doing great, especially because you know you can't keep it up, all the time.

Happy New Year from snowy London.