Liv turned 10 a couple of weeks ago. 10. Ten. TEN!
Ten seems so bloody much older than nine. Is it the double digits? Is it that she has grown 2.5 cm in two months? Is it that she seems to be losing all her teeth all at once? Is it that she refers to items, incidents and experiences as "epic" and "oh. wow." (the latter seems to be used as a negative expression while "epic" is used to express that fabulousness of something).
She is beginning to understand how to get something to go "her" way by using positive means rather than yelling, pouting or whining.....But for old time sake, she pulls them out so I don't have a chance to reminisce very often.
She is still as smiley and loving as always; she remains a kid who loves to curl up on my lap or will smile broadly and run into my arms when I pick her up from school. I love our cuddles. I adore the smell of her warm hair pressed against my chin as she rests. I love that she still wants to be held.
Unfortunately, this year she has truly struggled with anxiety and its' effects. She seems to be making headway and we certainly have been working hard on trying to react with logic and less emotion....but her fears still sometimes cause her to react with instinct...
Her long, scrawny legs and caramel colour hair hint at what she'll look like in a few years. It gives me pause to notice that her chubby little cheeks and round little belly are melting away into some larger, more mature looking kid.
Liv still loves to wear her own style. She'll wear an outfit until it is worn out or is replaced by a new, more desired item of clothing. She is beginning to wear my shirts and sweaters....they're huge on her, but she wears them as tunics or dresses.
More and more, Liv can keep up with me when I take go for a walk or run across the yard. She is coordinated like I have never been. She wants to take Irish Dancing again and archery and piano and.....She has so many interests and abilities. And she astonishes me with the ease in which she picks them up when she is enjoying herself.
So now, as I stare at her sleep (not in a creepy way, I promise) I think of the amazing kid she is and has been and the strong, capable, creative, spunky woman she will one be....It's a bittersweet realization to know that every birthday, every accomplishment, every giggle, every breath brings us closer to a day when she will fly away from me on her ruby coloured wings....And I will be without the constant love from my "Bean".
Carrying the Grief Ahead
21 hours ago