Wednesday, December 30, 2009

christmas come-down

This season is insane. I am not normally a fan of this season, and although this Christmas wasn't as black and bleak as last year, the numb mechanized motions of new and fresh grief weren't as present to help me slip through these last few weeks.
I have found that the build up to the big day has, as always, been tense and fraught with stress. The day itself a tad anti-climatic. And the work involved in making sure that everyone is visited, acknowledged and gift-endowed over the holidays strikes me full with worry, lack of sleep and an acute sense of anti-consumerism.
It hasn't been all bad. I really am not a total Scrooge. I have enjoyed seeing friends and family. I have so loved the look of joy on my kiddos faces when opening their 'Santa' gift. I have savoured the apple cider, the Muppets Christmas Album and our live rented Christmas tree.
I am tired though. I want to lay down on the ground, as though at the end of a race, and take deep breaths. I want my house to regain some amount of organization after the onslaught of toys, clothing and festive food. I would like to be able to fit comfortably in my jeans again. I'd feel great if I could contact everyone who has phoned, written or emailed over the holidays only to receive 'dead air'.
All this craziness and chaos has made me wonder if I can handle yet another 'dependant' (Cedar the puppy). Oh, how I love him! What a great, gentle, smart, quiet and sweet dog he will be...But he is so very strong.....He has learned so very much (not to jump up, to stay out of my room, to not eat off the table, to sit, to lay down, etc. etc. - this from a dog who had NEVER been in a house before....Oh, and he has never had an accident inside!!!!) but he is so strong that when we are walking, he can literally pull me into traffic and Briar along with me as we are holding hands. I would train him myself but when do I get time to do this? When can I take him to puppy classes? He is SO brutally strong that all the lessons he should have learned when he was knee-high are now hard for me to address with a three year-old, seven year old and a dog with separation issues (Freckles) in tow. But I do understand the gentle giant. I look into those eyes and see such a soft soul. I feel a connection with him that I never have felt with Freckles (is that just creepy to talk aobut a dog that way?) He wants to please. He wants to be loved. And he wants to play. What have I gotten myself into?
Is this just a sour mood or the Christmas hang-over??


darcie said...

What about a gentle leader for your gentle giant? Says the dog mom who's dog lays down when the gentle leader is on and refuses to move until it's taken off...

I hope you can get some much needed rest and recover from your holiday hangover.
Christmas is my favorite holiday -but the consumerism gives me ulcers. What a kid needs an ipod touch for is beyond me. Our kids got mostly 'useful' stuff - like shoes and pajamas...with a couple of little toys. Thankfully, they were not disappointed and I feel marvelous about it all.
I wish you peace Jackie, I love you so!

Anonymous said...

For sure try something like a Gentle Leader or a Halti. It doesn't teach the dog not to pull, but it does stop it from happening. Once you have control you can teach them not to pull.

Good luck!

Hawkfeather said...

it is SO not creepy to talk about t dog that way momma-

To believe a dog to be soulless- i would be a bit more concerned- soulless pets- who needs those?

to have a soul I would guess would mean you can have an old soul- he does have magical eyes hey?

I met a dog like this once- just had a way about her- like she knew things i never would-

I have never lost a spouse but i do remember one of the loneliest times in my life I adopted my cat- and the epiphany that it was my choice to make- and that this was a life I could help take care of ..i dunno it brought me comfort the whole experience- I hope this dog brings you lots of joy..

I am in post Christmas mode.. I remember when I still thought it was up to me weather or not we took place in the uber-consumer holiday..
But I loved it as a child- and I love to see my babies loving it as well...

so little magic in this world- I am ALL about something we celebrate that inspires a bit of sharing in the magical aspects of life-

...and counting down to the new year-
I am thinking about you sister-
and hoping this year to come brings you 'so much' happiness that you 'so' rightly deserve!~

Rach said...

Liv is getting more and more gorgeous everyday! And the puppy - god, don't ask me... I have one insane dog so can no longer provide any sensible dog advice! Here's to a great 2010. xxx