Friday, July 09, 2010

...and by the way

Photo from Auburn University

I am seeing all sorts of old and familiar faces since we moved back to my hometown. It's been great getting reacquainted with now-grown children of my youth. We discuss how the town has changed. That the one stop light in town is no longer the one stop light in town. Gossip about the nastiest boy in our class has changed and where he is now.
I find it so very interesting to know who or what the townsfolk have become, who they've married and how many children they've had. Looking at the faces of their little ones makes me grin seeing the familiar face of their parents as children staring right back at me.
Somehow during the conversation I seem to blurt out, almost Tourette's like, "My husband died."
I feel like a dork when I say it. But I can feel it building inside me like a burp and suddenly spew it out at my long-lost aquaintance. The moment after resembles the pause that I could imagine occurring if I had indeed loudly belched in their face. My burped words seem to echo between us.
If I somehow manage to come away from our brief visit in the parking lot without this almost involuntary admission, I feel as if I have mislead the other person somehow. That they are missing some huge part of the puzzle. But if I include it, it's an echo invoker.
I still, after two years, do not know what is the appropriate way to include this humungous tidbit into a brief summary of my life.....and socially, I don't know if any one really wants to know?


Cadi said...

I feel like I need to say it, too. I get a lot of looks that seem to want to say... You are divorced. You have two teenagers. How in the world did you end up being single and pregnant at 35???

Saying "it" always fixes the attitude. Although it's sad the attitude is there to begin with.

Hawkfeather said...

well.. i come from this little hippy town filled with.. well...hippies.

and any of them could tell ya that belching is a healthy thing.. it is- after all a part of life.. a bodily function- with purpose..

so sister.. belch away..

this is a part of YOUR life..and ya know even though you knew them when you were small.. you are still sorta sowing your oats in a new space and i am sure you are forming relationships anew- so maybe these pauses and awkward meetings will help you sort out those you want to invest energy not and those who can't handle a little face belching.

i do envy how you use this blog.. i just can't keep up with mine- but i try...

Jen said...

It has been feeling different to me recently to talk about being a widow, as I passed the 2-year milestone and have thankfully managed to integrate the loss more. It's not "I lost my husband and I'm still in a hard place", but rather an explanation as to why I'm a single (sole) parent, and even, to be honest, an opening for matchmaking ("know any nice single men?") But not telling would seem like I'm hiding something pretty significant.

Anonymous said...

Belching and digestion go hand in hand in the gastro intestinal tract. Belch it out. Others need to digest.

People will pause and hesitate and not know what to say. They may never bring it up again. Or they may ask you questions that well you full of emotion you wish you could suppress. Or without saying much they may provide you calm comforting understanding. Belching is cathartic. You will feel better with them knowing and that is all that matters. How they digest it is something you can't control and therefore be clear with yourself that there are no expectations - just get it off your chest.

darcie said...

I think it's terribly important to let people know, however you see fit.
That will help stop any stupid comments or questions later on...ok, not all the stupid comments or questions...but you know what I mean.
Glad you are finding your rhythm *back home* -

cindy said...

Well, You will feel better with them knowing and that is all that matters.