Friday, July 02, 2010

when Jeff died.....


As a widow, how many times have you said, "when/since/because _____ died"? Even after two years, three months and six days, I regularly use this phrase. Does widowhood define me this much or is it that the loss of my husband has been so life-altered, self-forming, world-shifting to me that I can attribute most of the occurrences in my present life to the event?
I prefer to believe that my life, goals, priorities, etc have all been modified, improved and streamlined. I hope that I can now see more clearly what is 'important' rather than that the definition of 'widow' has become so entwined with my vision of 'self'.
Or am I just lying to myself and hiding behind the loss of my other half?

4 comments:

Janine (txmomx6) said...

I think I can safely say (since I know you SO well!) that you are NOT being defined by your widowhood, nor are you hiding behind Jeff's death. I definitely think that, in the beginning .... however long that lasts for each of us .... we are most certainly defined by being a widow. Some of us hold on to that definition. And then, at some point .... when we are ready .... we let go of that definition. When we let go of it .... others will, too. Maybe not very quickly (and maybe not everyone) but it will happen.
I remember hitting the period when I knew that I was tired of being seen as "the poor widow". I didn't want that label anymore. I was ready to shed it. But it took a long time for me to reach that point.
You have passed it, my friend. :)

Bex said...

No way are you hiding, lady! XXxx.

Cadi said...

Much love to you. I hope you are settling in. I still have so many boxes to unpack. We got two kittens...

Having lost a loved one does not define one, but it shapes us... into something...

I'm still figuring it all out, too.

Jen said...

At past the two-year mark too, I still say/think this phrase (well, not the "Jeff" part) often. I feel like such a different person after, and find it interesting to compare how I thought about and reacted to things before. I don't believe it has anything to do with hiding, but rather using that earth-shattering event as a major milestone in the development of my self-awareness.