Sunday, November 16, 2008

t.v. dissent and rebellion

Do you remember before you had children and you'd see a television portrayal of a woman giving birth? You'd wonder how accurate it was...but it was probably all you had to go on. Not many people witness true and actual birth experiences before they have the pleasure themselves. After you gave birth yourslef, you realized how skewed the media's illustration of labour is.
Since losing Jeff, I find the same phenomenon occurring within various productions regarding widowhood. 'P.S. I Love You' and 'Grey's Anatomy' annoy the fuck out of me now. I mean, really?
I am a cynical, crabby widow bitch. Pshaw.


darcie said...

Hang in there Jackie - know that if we could - we would make it all go away.
I'm terrible in situations like this and I don't know what to say I know that nothing I say will make it any better - but I had to say something.
I'm thinking of you Jackie -
xoxo - Creepy Darcie

hippymummy said...

T.v. is crap at showing reality, if they showed the truth a lot of us would be scared off for life! It's crap that you feel this way and you have every right to sound off. If you want to be cynical crabby widow bitch then you're more than entitled to and bitch away xXx

joanna (who emailed with you a couple months ago) said...

A very-well-meaning acquaintance gave me a copy of The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg shortly after my boyfriend died. It's about a widow who packs herself up and goes off to change her life in a different state mere weeks after her husband dies. It was obviously written by someone who had no clue what someone goes through. I wanted to throw the book against the wall.

Tricia Moran said...

I agree with you about both those movies/shows. I thought PS I Love You was ridiculously shallow and missed the whole point. I am still thinking of and praying for you and your family. Keep on keeping on, the light will come at the end of that long tunnel.
Tricia and Family

Crash Course Widow said...

If you're a cynical, crabby widow bitch, know that you have lots of company in me. =) Yup, Hollywood's version of widowhood is a pathetic, crap joke. If only it were that pretty and easy as they try to make it seem.

PS I Love You: crap. Catch and Release: crap. Ummm...I'm drawing a blank on other tv episodes or movies that I've intentionally watched to see if they got widowhood right...but I can guarantee they don't. I went and saw Smart People (with Dennis Quaid and Sarah Jessica Parker; it's on DVD now) with friends from my widowed support group this past spring, and it's one of the only ones I've seen that gets a lot of it right. (Then again, it's long after his wife dies, when they're all just bizarre and screwed up in various ways from life stopping when she died.) Several friends from group say Truly, Madly, Deeply with Alan Rickman was fabulous; I haven't watched it yet, but it's the only one that's a clear does-it-right (or as close as is Hollywood possible) for widowhood.

But I'm right there with you. Novels about widowhood are much the same. I read PS I Love You after seeing the movie, and it wasn't quite as bad as the movie, but it was close. I read Good Grief by Lolly WInston about a month after Charley died, after a close friend of mine (who was also reeling from Charley's death) insisted I had to read it the same time as she was. And some of the portrayals of grief and grief attacks were spot-on...but you could tell it was written by someone who was just projecting what widowhood might be like, after the author's father died and she wanted to write a book about grief and a situation worse than hers. The "happy ending" the author gave, after just one single year of widowhood, was an insulting farce.

Which is why, I guess, I stick to memoirs of young widows, so at least I know what I'm reading is based on someone's true reality....