Thursday, April 08, 2010

goodbye, my friend

Yesterday afternoon, Freckles went to be with his big brother and his 'Daddy'. We will, and do already, miss him.
Even in such illness and pain, he managed to thump his long and hairy tail a few times for each person who entered the vet clinic as we waited for his turn to be released from his body. He was a true lover of all.
His constant companionship has been such a comfort. Although I have found immense annoyance in his special way of displaying his sadness with the loss of Jeff and Eli, I am surprised to find that I also found solace and respect in his choice to do so. He did what I have been unable to do. He effectively protrayed his pain despite anyone's else's discomfort or raging anger with the execution of this portrayal. That takes balls... (which he no longer had, I might add). Although I don't feel that I have the luxury of falling to pieces with each and everyone of this home's occupants relying on me, he fell to pieces for both of us and announced our sadness and anxiety.
I find that in the loss of our sweet boy with not a single bone of mean in his body, I am afraid and cannot sleep. Since 18, I have always had a dog to hear the sounds outside after dark for me and announce something out of the ordinary needing inspection. And although Freckles would have assisted any burglar in his transportation of any valuable items from our house, I do not believe he would ever have allowed harm to come to his children.
It seems that the noises in the night that I had always just assumed were of the large and furry variety, and as such, provided me with some comfort of not being alone, were not the dog. The house feels empty and soulless. The kids and I haven't gone downstairs asside from letting the chickens in for the night. Liv used to insist that Freckles accompany her to the basement (or bathroom, or outside, etc...) to assuage her little fears of burglars and bogeymen. It seems that I will have to now escort her to every bathroom visit or romp in the backyard....Unfortunately, I won't be able to do it so unquestioningly or patiently.
Damn it, Freckles! First you destroy the house, then you wreck your body and now you leave a hole in our hearts...Damn it.
I do love you.....and I so hope you know it. You're a good boy, Freckles. You're a good boy.

15 comments:

letterstoelias said...

Good-bye Freckles. I'm glad to have had the pleasure to meet you.

Again, SO sorry Jackie, Liv and Briar. Sending you love and hugs across the straight.

~C~

Katie said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Pets give so much to our lives and provide such unconditional love. Freckles was as lucky to have you as you were to have him.

Anonymous said...

RIP, Freckles. Yes, he was a good boy. And he loved you all.

You are so much a dog person. I wonder what the next one will be like and where s/he will come from. S/he's out there somewhere...

Nan

Jill said...

Oh Jackie. I am so sorry.

I completely agree that he is with Jeff and Eli.

I am so sorry.

Buck said...

So so sorry for your loss. Though we never met, I can just tell that Freckles was a wonderful dog and I am quite sure he loved all of you, even when scolded for destroying the house.

xoxo

Buck said...

So so sorry for your loss. Though we never met, I can just tell that Freckles was a wonderful dog and I am quite sure he loved all of you, even when scolded for destroying the house.

xoxo

Amber said...

I'm so, so sorry. :(

Poppy and Mei said...

Always remembered, that one...XXxx.

Jen said...

A beautiful post about a true friend. Be at peace, Freckles. You did your job well.

Suddenwidow said...

Goodbye, sweet Freckles. I'm so glad to have spent time with the shaved and hairy versions of you. You were cute with and without hair!

Please watch over your family until they learn to adjust to life without you. Help them find peace and sleep as they deal with night time without having you there to provide them peace of mind.

Have fun in heaven with Jeff and Eli. And please say woof to Austin and Caeleigh for me.

And thank you for reminding us all that sometimes we just need to get our grief out so we can function in life. I'm trying to work on that, but if you don't mind I think I'll do something other than kill chickens :)

Hugs and love to your Jackie, Liv and Briar. They're in our thoughts and prayers.

Corinne Cooper said...

so sorry at the loss of Freckles...."animals leave paw prints on our hearts forever"

the only solace I can offer is at least he did not suffer very long

Rest in peace sweet angel :(

Anonymous said...

We had to put our gentle giant - Noah - to sleep a week ago tonight.

It sucked.

He was a part of our family for 13 years. But we knew we needed to send him on his way and that in doing so we were doing the only humane and loving thing we could.

Totally understanding the loss of your beloved furry family member, and sending you hugs.

~ Jenny

Bonnie said...

Oh Jackie, I'm so very sorry.

Anonymous said...

Oh no, Jackie, how sad! I'm sorry you have yet another loss to deal with. Peace and blessings to you all.

Kirsten

fashionista said...

I'm so sorry about Freckles. They are always true friends, aren't they? He seemed like a delight. Godspeed, Freckles. Iremember when you ad I both lost our Eli's. Peace to you and your family.