Friday, April 16, 2010

Photo from BitchNewYork

I have realized through my recent, brief and unsuccessful foray into the world of widowed dating that I am most definately not looking for Jeff. It is not that I am measuring how certain men stand up to the man that Jeff was. It's that I am looking at them through not only my eyes, but Jeff's as well.
Yesterday, as I stood in line at the bank, I furtively checked out a spiky haired, bad-ass in a leather jacket. "Yummy...", my inner voice whispered. "Yeah and check out his studded ass!!!", my 'inner Jeffrey' bellowed with mirth in reference to the bejeweled rivets decorating curliqued crucifixes on the man's back pockets.
Hmmmm....Now that Jeff pointed out these...uber-embellished buttocks, I couldn't help but also notice the overdone and excessive use of flaming skulls on his motorcycle helmet clutched in his hand.
I realize that Jeff's 'voice' is also my own, but it is with the remembered view of Jeff's world that causes me to see these guys as he would and choose my action accordingly.
I'd not looking for Jeff (he was one of a kind); I'm just hoping to find someone that Jeff wouldn't refer to in derogatory terms....such as 'Mr. Fancy Pants'.
And, yes, I know I shouldn't judge a man by the copious amount of rhinestones on his pockets....but, occasionally, Jeff and I do.


Suddenwidow said...

I love this post! I am no where near as evolved as you are in my widow identity, but I have to confess I did see a handsome man last week when I was in the city. Just noticing him made me feel a little guilty, but then I heard Austin's voice in my head critiquing him. I felt like I was going slightly crazy, and then I realized that maybe it was him still looking out for the boys and I. Either way, I'm glad I'm not the only one who hears her dead husband when out in public :)

Have a good weekend, Jackie! I hope you get the final word on your landlord not selling the house! Enough of the yes, no, yes, no, yes, no game!

Anonymous said...

Hehehe. This one made me giggle. I totally get it - I could just hear Elias saying, "What the hell!?!" and could feel his growing irritation over the unsolicited visits from the 'Bread Man'.

Dido with Deb's wishes about the whole house deal...


Marissa said...

i love this. i love that you have 2 voices -- we all need as many voices guiding us as we can get.

bravo, fancy pants! hahaha :)

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I hate those bedazzled jeans too...and the overly embellished tshirts that tend to go along with them. I know it's wrong to judge people based on what they're wearing but, honestly, I *know* I will have much more in common with a scruffy guy in a flannel shirt and well-worn Levis than a guy in a Titelist cap and pressed pleated khakis.

Crash Course Widow said...

"recent, brief and unsuccessful foray into the world of widowed dating"?!? Spill the beans at least a little bit, girl!! You sneaky, quiet, secretive blogger, you. ;o)

After reading you post a few weeks (months?) ago where you mentioned--for the first time I could remember--the notion of dating and then reading shortly thereafter on Matt's blog that he'd started dating Brooke, I had a big "Ahhh..." moment, wondering if Matt's newfound dating status had gotten you thinking. (Was that part of it?) It's such a weird thing for me when widowed friends start dating, get in a new relationship, get engaged, etc. I'm not envious in the traditional sense at all--more than anything, it gives me some hope and optimism for whenever I bother to get around to dating again (success stories are good motivators!)--but the news does tend to get me introspective and thinking about my relationship status more. So I totally get it if Matt was part of the reason why you mentioned it those weeks ago.

Bummer (I guess?) that the first dating foray apparently didn't go fabulously. But hey, anything is a good first step!

And Mr. Fancy Pants?? Too funny. ;o) You bad-ass, you. ;o)

Hugs, my friend!

Cadi said...

I just love how you write! :-)

T said...

Your's is one of just a few blogs I follow. I won't get all gushy about how much I get from your writing. Twice in the past month you came to mind during some very stressful moments. My husband passed out at the dinner table and my dog gave me a heart attack. I blogged about both. Both times were so scary for me, but turned out ok. I think it's time you are dealt a fresh deck of cards! It's your turn.

pink and green mama said...

So funny! You made me laugh out loud and I read your post to my own husband Geoff and he and I agreed that we would both have that "inner voice of the other" judging and critiquing people in the world. We've always loved people watching and I think I would be single for a very long time if anything ever happened to him because the bar has been set too high and he's way too picky!