Friday, May 07, 2010

give me one reason

Photo by Algo
Also posted on Widow's Voice

You know the term "It happened for a reason"? I hate it. I have used it myself. But I hate it.
It seems to say that everything, good or bad, was supposed to happen to make way for some 'better' purpose. It's sappy and it sucks. It's almost up there with the "He's in a better place".
With this rationale, maybe because Jeff died, a cherubic little one was born into the loving arms of its' parents. Maybe he died to stop the excessive amount of fossil fuels being consumed by his gargantuan beast of a truck. Maybe he had learned all he was meant to in this lifetime and had to go to 'Heaven' to process it.
I say "BAA HUMBUG"! I hate to sound....evil, but those parents can have some other kid because I'd rather have my big hairy guy back. I would have let Jeff drive my little gas-meiser. And I can tell you, there were still a few things I had left to tell Jeff so he certainly didn't know it all yet.
I don't think there was any bloody reason. I think it just happened because it was 'meant' to. Good or bad, there was no 'reason'. It was just the way it was/is/will be.
And I think I just have to suck it up, pull up my socks and forget trying to find 'reasons', meanings or any other message hidden in his death. He's gone and it's the way our lives parted. Nothing I can do about it.
So I'll be a big girl (at least for a few moments) and carrying this backpack....and if there is any reason, I'll realize that it was to make me and our two little ones strong, empathetic and remind us to not take life and love for granted.


Jen said...

I've thought about this concept, "things always happen for a reason" a lot also. It's B.S. There is no reason, no grand plan. I believe we are on this earth to do the best we can, so if/when something bad happens, we have an opportunity to learn, grow, and become stronger from it. The path of our lives is not laid out in advance. But our innate drive to live and grow enables us to use adversity as a springboard to greater resilience, compassion, appreciation for what we have, and ability to love.

Sort of what you just said, but with a lot more words.

Desha said...

I remember people telling me that often when my dad died 3 years ago, and it made me so angry! Not what you want to hear when someone you love it suddenly taken out of your life and your grief is fresh and raw. I just wish they would have said "you know what, that is rotten. It sucks and I wish there was something i could do to make it better." Love this post, and as always, thinking of you!

J-in-Wales said...

Amen sister!
I always swore that I would punch the lights out of the first person who told me that "everything happens for a reason". And I am ever so slightly disappointed that no one has said it yet!