Saturday, September 05, 2009

why NOT to homeschool

The school year is almost upon us here. As most people are preparing their little ones by equipping them with duotangs and HB pencils, I will be talking to my girl about what she hopes to learn about this year and planning various activities that foster growth in these areas.

With this being our third year of homeschooling, I thought I'd impart some wisdom upon other parents who may be thinking of embarking upon this adventure called homeschooling:
If someone approaches you (usually family or close friends) after your child has had a temper tantrum, expressed frustration and anger when you eat their muffin without asking or refused to do what you ask with a simple "NO." and suggests that now is the time that your child is enrolled in public school so that they begin to learn how 'the real world works' or how to 'act', just know that these people are the brave ones. Everyone else just talks about it behind your back. ;)
I do wonder, however, what everyone says about children who DO attend convention school when they have a whopper of a temper tantrum, refuse to eat their greenbeans or repeat the 'f' word? Do they suggest that now is the time that this child is homeschooled???
Be prepared to go to homeschooling meetings ONLY when you are feeling good and confident about your parenting. These parents seem to be the uber, ultra, perfect parent. No one freaks out at their kids for giving them a wedgy while having a conversation with another adult. They get down to the child's level and explain why this is uncomfortable for them and request that they stop. Now I know that you school parents are rolling your eyes and going, "Oh, and I'm sure THAT works." But it does. Miraculously, these kids cease and desist. Everyone speaks calmly and does crafts with kids that AREN'T EVEN THEIR OWN! They play hockey with the kids while carrying a baby around in a sling and breastfeeding one child and doling out organic homemade muesli to another. Amazing! I watch them with amazement hoping and praying that my kids don't come up to me and apply the wedgy because my reaction will most likely be entirely different ("What the hell?! You're gonna cut me in half!" while performing the bum picking dance). And I will die of embarassment. They will KNOW that I am not one of them. I'm not calm. I'm not 'zen'. I don't do yoga (although I would love to do it). I'm testing the theory that the more I go to these meetings the more this serenity will rub off on me....I'll let you know how it goes....
Be prepared that your children are going to wear entirely 'inappropriate' outfits at times. Without the mocking judgement of other school-aged children keeping their wardrobe in line and homogenized with others, your children will feel free to put on whatever tickles their fancy...and sometimes you will wish that there were some scorn-filled children picking out your child's attire for that day.


*Both of these choices of headwear were Jeff's. I am just waiting for them to find his cowboy hat shaped hardhat!

9 comments:

Krista said...

Oh, you were on a roll here, I was hoping to read more after the photos... this should be followed up with subsequent postings I think!

Love your sense of humor, you just HAVE to laugh and roll with this stuff.. or how could we do what we do, eh?

Jenn said...

Oh, ho...Liv is wearing a *really* bad hat!! :0)

JasperBoy said...

Only wedgies at home school meetings?? I was wanting to hear the ultra, uber parents talk about baginas......

Jen in Melbourne

Amber said...

Thanks for the laughs. I agree with the other commenter...I think this should be a series of posts. Hilarious!

Poppy and Mei said...

More! More! XXxx.

Amber said...

Oh, man, I have been in so many situations where I've felt like the yelly, non-calm mom. And they always seem to happen in public. It's not a good time. But then I come across someone who thinks the same thing about me, because they haven't witnessed me completely losing it. I think that if we stopped by anyone else's house at dinnertime we might be surprised by just what we saw.

This is what I say to make myself feel better, anyway. Because, man, do I know what you're talking about with the lack of serenity.

DK said...

I so hear ya! I have never commented before but I could have written this post, lol! I am so not that mom and constantly question my HS abilities.

Maggie May said...

i stopped by here months ago and am now back again..your blog stayed with me, resonated with me, cuz last time i was here i read a shitload of your entries and was just blown away by your rawness. the rawness and honesty of your writing. so it's awesome to check in and poke my head around and find this silly entry. with a shit hat :)

letterstoelias said...

I'd love to know how you balance homeschooling throughout all of this - I had always wanted to hs my girls, but after Elias died I didn't think there was any way to make it work . . .

Would love to hear more
~C~