Tuesday, November 03, 2009

pictures and junk drawers


Some nights, after the kids are in bed and the house is quiet, I find myself aimlessly looking through old pictures. I am never truly conscious of a time or event that I am searching for...But when I find it, I know... I've found you.
I find myself staring into your eyes. Imagining what we'd say to each other. How we would cling to each other. Remembering every physical feature. Longing to hear you laugh. Craving just one more moment with you.
I miss you so ferociously. I want to hear you voice and your opinion. Feeling the comfort of being with you. Connected to you. Just us. Only us.
I can't clean the junk drawer or open your sporadic mail without sobbing at the forgotten memories, silly arguments, secret jokes, and broken plans. I keep thinking that all the firsts 'should' be over by now. But new ones keep cropping up.
This sisyphean cycle continues as I quietly pine for you alone. I find you everywhere and no where.

4 comments:

Michele Neff Hernandez said...

I love this picture of you. Do you ever notice in photos how you can tell pre-death or post-death based on the innocence of your face? I am always struck my that. But one thing that shines from this photo is love. You still have that, no matter where you go, who you become, or how far from that exact snapshot in time you wander...you will always have that glow. xo

Anonymous said...

"I find you everywhere and no where."

That beautifully sums up the pain.
You are so eloquent.

Nan

Poppy and Mei said...

XXxx.

Rach said...

Sending you love. xxx