Tuesday, June 09, 2009

just gross

I am throwing myself a pity party tonight. If you don't want to read about a grotesque amount of 'poor me', then look away.....Really. I am a sad sap tonight.

I have the stomach flu. Briar had it two days ago. Now me. I am sure Liv will be next.

But for now, I feel so very sorry for myself as I sit on the can so long that it forms a large circular indent on my arse while cradling an old ice cream pail on my knees. I attempt to not stare at the small stains at the bottom of the vomit recepticle while wondering/obsessing over what they are. Dust? Small bits of broken fly bodies cleaned from the window tracks? Pieces of old dried up rotten food lodged there from cast-off in its' home under the kitchen sink beside the garbage can? The reek of vinegar and orange oil does NOT help with the nauseousness.

I cling to this plastic pail wishing that I had someone in my life who would bring me a clean bucket. Who would entertain the kids so I don't have to keep answering the questions, "What's wrong, Mama?" and "Will you play with me?" or "Can I have something to eat?" Someone who would tuck me into bed and bring me ginger ale. Someone who would reassure me that I am not going to die on the shitter with a filthy pail on my knees leaving my children orphans who will have strange emotional issues surrounding the abandonment by both their mother and father to some fast unseen illness.

Life truly sucks when you're alone.....Especially when you're ill. No. It blows. It blows chunks.

10 comments:

Poppy and Mei said...

Awwwwwwww, babe!
Here, you go lie down & I'll look after the kids.
Take this ginger ale with you...XXxx

Lynn said...

Ugh, sounds just terrible. I'm sending a hug and a new barf bucket your way :).

brown eyed girl said...

Oh no, feel better soon!

darcie said...

Wishing I could help...

Suddenwidow said...

Hi Jackie,

I can completely identify with your post. I actually was living it on Sunday night, though my dirty container was the bathroom garbage can, and I won't even begin to describe it. It's so nice to know that there's someone out there who can totally relate to my bathroom pitty party. My kids are always worried that something bad is happening to me when I'm not feeling 100%, and it's getting a little exhausting reassuring them that I won't die from the stomach flu (which they both had a few days earlier), and that my injured rotator cuff shoulder injury isn't serious, just painful etc. etc. And then I realize Austin said the same thing the morning he died - he was just feeling a little stressed and would be fine. Then he died. Reassuring my kids is like walking a tightrope. Sorry for the ramble - this is turning into a post! Hope you're feeling better today!

Send me an email telling me generally where you live so we can organize an afternoon on the beach this summer. We'll be on the island from July 9th -17th. Hope some day in that week works for you!

Debbie

Amber said...

Being sick as a parent totally blows. And when you don't have anyone else there it is much worse. I think your pity party is totally warranted, and I hope you feel better soon.

Marissa said...

being sick sucks.
being alone sucks.

combine the 2 and you're definitely qualified to throw yourself a doozy of a pity party and rightfully so.

i hope you're feeling better soon - i really, really do.

Faith said...

ah, i'm sorry. if i were there, i'd help!!

leigh in the sav said...

by now, i do hope you are feeling a bit better. being sick from both ends is the least desirable thing in the world.

a damp washcloth on the back of the neck is a wonderful nausea remedy that my mom always used on us...

i've gotten so cozy in the bathroom before that i laid down on the floor (cold tile felt good). it was easier than getting up to go back and forth to the bed. yuck, but true!

Chillin' with Lemonade said...

Oh. Prayers to you.

I actually called 911 the first time I got sick after my husband passed away. When they put me on the stretcher and carried me to the hospital with only a stomach bug, I actually felt relieved. You are not alone.