Sunday, June 21, 2009

celebration for their father

Today is the day that everyone celebrates their own father. Bringing trays with breakfast in bed. Having a BBQ. Washing dad's car. Having extra hugs. Calling long distance.
But today, my little ones weren't able to supply Jeff with burnt waffles and spilt orange juice. Last year, we spent our first Father's Day without Jeff. As others were walking hand in hand with their daddy, my little ones sent love letters to him in 'Heaven'.
This Father's Day, we again followed the tradition that began last year. We wrote notes and drew pictures for Jeff. Liv, heartwrenchingly, wrote Jeff the same words that she has written so many times and drew a flower on the back. Briar drew a 'monster truck' and poked holes in the paper to pull the string through. I poured my heart out with tiny handwriting into a letter of longing and loss for my husband and the father of my kiddos....It was cathartic and freeing to write and 'send' it up to him.
The wind stole the balloons from our outstretched hands and watched as they rose higher and higher into the sky. I kept praying that they wouldn't pop as we watched as I'm sure we would have all sobbed. But they didn't pop. They rose higher and higher. Whisked out above the ocean. We silently watched until we couldn't see them any longer hoping that somehow Jeff would know what those letters contained.

15 comments:

Crash Course Widow said...

That's a fantastic idea, Jackie! Part of me was debating about taking Charley a balloon from Anna and tying it to the vase on his niche...but I wasn't sure what the cemetery's rules were about stuff like that...and there's something so depressing about seeing flowers, balloons, and mementoes left at graves after they're dead, wilted, and neglected. But your idea of releasing a balloon...I'd never thought of that!

Hope you all survived the day relatively intact....Sending you hugs!!

Hawkfeather said...

I am glad you had a chance to *say* some things to Jeff that I am sure you are unable to say to anyone else...

I thought of you- Liv,Briar and Jeff many times today...

Poppy and Mei said...

XXxx.

13mimosa said...

Much love your way.

J-in-Wales said...

Such a beautiful way to celebrate this difficult day.

Lynn said...

A lovely idea...your beautiful and hopeful post brought a tear to my eye.

Robin Stewart said...

What a heart wrenching post. I was thinking about you lots yesterday. You never cease to amaze me with your wonderful ideas and creativity. You always seems to turn something so simple into something amazing.

x0x0

Desha said...

I thought about you and the kiddos yesterday, and my heart ached for you especially. Love Liv's note to her daddy, and I know he would be proud of you all.

Hallie said...

You guys were on my mind so many times yesterday...I'm glad you found something to keep you all connected. He must be so proud of you all!

AndreaRenee said...

What a beautiful tradition. xoxo

Suddenwidow said...

Thanks for sharing your idea, Jackie. We did the same thing yesterday (with orange, red and green balloons) but due to a big rain storm, we didn't go to the water as planned and set them off from our backyard. I didn't think to write notes on paper and attach them. We wrote on the balloons with markers and set them free. It was a great tradition to start. It's amazing how long my busy boys waited patiently in the rain to watch their balloons until they were gone from sight. Thank again for the idea.

darcie said...

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I was thinking of you and the lil ones yesterday...
Thanks for sharing...

K. said...

Jackie, I can't help but admire the beautiful way in which you open up that space for yourself and your children to carry your grief with grace. Just beautiful.

KIrsten

Ashley said...

What a perfect way to help your kids celebrate their daddy.

Rach said...

What a lovely thing that you do on this day.

I did think of my friends on that day - those families without fathers and those fathers without their babies. xxx