But I am finding, so far, I am finding comfort in the cold nights. The wood stove burning at the foot of the stairs. The board games on the kitchen table. The return of my 'craftiness'.
The sunshine that comes now seems golden or older. It is less intense and a delicious treat when it's out. The chilling rain forces us inside and together. I slow down. I take a breath and play with the kids. Not worrying that there was something that I wanted to get done right now. It's too cold. It's too wet. And I want to stay home. With the kids, the woodstove and some quiet.
We've harvested most of our garden's offerings. We've taken to feeding the fall orb weaver spider, Charlotte, that resides on the kitchen wall the last of this years flies stunned with the zapper racket.
I've stacked as much firewood as we have for this year. We've raked leaves and found creatures in the yard with the same instincts that we possess...to hunker down, get cozy and be still.
I wish Jeff could be here to enjoy the warmth in this little house. To snuggle under a blanket. To giggle at Liv's holey mouth with the missing teeth and Briar's sweet little grins. To deal with the hot water tank that blew this morning (argh!). To enjoy his little ones piling on top of him in the mornings and cuddling into his warm furry chest with their chilly little toes. And to share in this feeling of home, family and closeness.
But I am thankful that I had him for the time that I did. There is a line in this song that says, "I'm glad I didn't die before I met you." It makes me cry and marvel at how amazing it was that we were here at the same time. And that we met. I was truly blessed. And for the time we shared together, I am eternally grateful.