What is it about the smell of warm creases in baby's necks and the soft wrinkles in tiny hands that makes everyone coo and whisper? When baby stretches and yawns it is as if they are performing some amazing skill that is proof of their excellence and genius.
We seem to instinctively know to hold gently, speak softly and smile often.
Although this admission will make people wonder if I somehow missed some vital part in the formation of my womanhood/motherhood, but BABIES TERRIFY ME. I love how they smell, I adore their noises, I am amazed by them...but I am brutally afraid of them. They cry. They scream. They fuss. If most other women 'instinctively' know what to do when an infant cries, then I am severely lacking in these fundamental skills. The only thing that I could do well as a mommy of such a small child was breastfeed. Cry = breastfeed. Whimper = breastfeed. Fuss = breastfeed. Tired = breastfeed.
I hate even to admit it. I worry that this makes me similar to one of those people that aren't trusted by dogs or small children. You always keep one eye on them and wonder what is 'wrong' with them....Thankfully dogs love me and small children love to root through my purse for various games or play peek-a-boo in a grocery store line-up with me.
Since I can't go around nursing other peoples babies (thankfully), I'll just have to wait until they get to the point where they aren't so fear invoking. Until then, I will watch and ogle from afar. I will smile and grin, stroke their soft faces, change a diaper and even hold them...but when they cry, I'm going to get really nervous, sweat a bit and hand them back to mama.
But Baby Zach, I just wanted you to know this so you don't think that I don't love you to pieces. I do. I so do. You're just a bit....scary right now. When you can hold your head up and maybe throw something at me, we'll have a grand time! I'm gonna be your favourite 'auntie', promise. Just don't tell the others!!