Friday, August 21, 2009

welcome baby Zach!

What is it about the smell of warm creases in baby's necks and the soft wrinkles in tiny hands that makes everyone coo and whisper? When baby stretches and yawns it is as if they are performing some amazing skill that is proof of their excellence and genius.

We seem to instinctively know to hold gently, speak softly and smile often.

Although this admission will make people wonder if I somehow missed some vital part in the formation of my womanhood/motherhood, but BABIES TERRIFY ME. I love how they smell, I adore their noises, I am amazed by them...but I am brutally afraid of them. They cry. They scream. They fuss. If most other women 'instinctively' know what to do when an infant cries, then I am severely lacking in these fundamental skills. The only thing that I could do well as a mommy of such a small child was breastfeed. Cry = breastfeed. Whimper = breastfeed. Fuss = breastfeed. Tired = breastfeed.

I hate even to admit it. I worry that this makes me similar to one of those people that aren't trusted by dogs or small children. You always keep one eye on them and wonder what is 'wrong' with them....Thankfully dogs love me and small children love to root through my purse for various games or play peek-a-boo in a grocery store line-up with me.

Since I can't go around nursing other peoples babies (thankfully), I'll just have to wait until they get to the point where they aren't so fear invoking. Until then, I will watch and ogle from afar. I will smile and grin, stroke their soft faces, change a diaper and even hold them...but when they cry, I'm going to get really nervous, sweat a bit and hand them back to mama.

But Baby Zach, I just wanted you to know this so you don't think that I don't love you to pieces. I do. I so do. You're just a bit....scary right now. When you can hold your head up and maybe throw something at me, we'll have a grand time! I'm gonna be your favourite 'auntie', promise. Just don't tell the others!!


Anonymous said...

Oh Jackie, you are way more instinctive than you think. Breastfeeding for any reason is a good reason, and its what I did every time too! If they took boobie than that was all good. If they fell asleep, good, if they stayed awake, good, as long as they weren't crying!(and I think both your kids and my kids are turning out just fine).

Jenn said...

I am totally the opposite...I have always been able to calm babies. I once had a lady show up at our yard sale with a baby she was babysitting...she said the baby wouldn't even go to her mother, that the baby preferred her (the sitter) and that baby was crying and crying.

Well, the sitter was busy looking for stuff to buy...and I said, "Can I try to calm her?" The lady laughed and said, "She'll just scream at you..." and I said, "Well, let me try...." I picked her up and walked around with her and she LAID HER HEAD on my shoulder and I held her the whole time the lady was there. She was in shock.

I have always had a way with babies. I even like them more than big kids...(shhh, don't tell all my big kids that!!) :0)

But I don't think it can be a secret since I have 6's the fact that they start as babies...that is why I can't stop having :)