Saturday, July 12, 2008

6 years ago yesterday

Yesterday morning at 8:40 am was the sixth anniversary of the moment that you came to be with us, our little Bean. You have learned so many things since that time...and so have I. Daddy and I have taught you how to talk, give the best little hugs, tie your shoes, share (most of the time) and ride a bike. In exchange, you've taught us about the infinite qualities of love. I am constantly learning through every moment that you are with me.
The morning you were born was so sunny and warm. We were having a hard time and it was taking so long for you to come meet us. When you were finally here, Daddy said, "So you're the one we've been waiting for! It's Olivia!!" I held you and cried happy tears. I had no idea that I could love someone so much, so fast. When I went to get cleaned up a bit, Daddy sat in the rocking chair and sang quietly to you. I can't remember what the song was anymore, but I watched him smile and sing to you. He watched you and you gazed up at him in the bright morning sun. Before Daddy died, he and I talked about this day. Daddy really wanted you to have a new bike since yours has gotten so small...maybe you've just gotten so big?! The week before he left us, when he taught you to ride a bike without training wheels, you finally agreed to part with your tiny little bike. Daddy was so pleased! He was excited to pick one out for his Bean. I can feel Daddy with us on this day, sweetie. He was part of these decisions and was/is so proud of what a big girl you are becoming.
Happy Birthday, my sweet little one. We love you, our big six year old.


Rach said...

Happy birthday gorgeous girl. xxx

13mimosa said...

Happy Birthday Liv from the other side of the world. Your mamma delivered a gorgeous baby with lovely dark hair and now you're a big beautiful 6 year old.

Cadi said...

Happy Birthday! :-)

Crash Course Widow said...

What a wonderful post, Jackie. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.

I admire how you're keeping Jeff in the conversation, in the real meat of your life, even after he's gone. I do it too, with Charley's and my daughter, but I always feel a little freakish (especially at 3yrs out) when I hear myself doing and ESPECIALLY when there are nonwidowed people around me to hear it. The widowed part of me knows it's good, healthy, to keep him present in my daughter's and my lives--especially since she'll never know anything about her father unless I tell her, seeing as she was 10 mos old when he died--but the "influenced by society" part of me feels that it must be somehow wrong. You know, all that crap about how we're supposed to "move on," etc., etc., etc.

So keep it up, with how you keep Jeff present in your lives. I got so much pleasure from doing this same thing the first year after Charley died, but it felt wrong somehow--which is load of crap, btw--to keep doing them as it got farther out. You're reminding me how helpful, how good it feels, to keep doing it, regardless of how long it's been. Thank you.

And a happy birthday to Liv, too! =)

amanda said...

this is such a beautiful post, nearly brought tears to my eyes and as i write this comment my eyes water. i am very sorry to hear about your husband.

(i found your site from matt logelin's)

i will definitely continue to read your blogs. thank you for sharing with me.

i also have a site, it's just boring stuff of a 21 year old.