Last weekend, Matt mentioned to me another widow and a conference that he thought that I should attend. He's going and I would truly love to meet him in person. There are times that I really don't know who I would have talked to who would have understood what I was trying to say if it weren't for Matt. When I read the info about the conference, I was excited and so wanted to go. Although, I don't actually think that I'll be able to go, the thought of being with and around so many other widows is somehow comforting and intriguing. The thought fills me with yearning to go.
I am finding that on this journey, although your family and friends care so deeply and want to help and understand so very much, the only people who truly 'get it' are other widows/ers. And the thought that I could be in a room filled with people who know what it is to struggle to live after the person that you lived for and with is gone....It makes me want to...well, it makes me want to go too.
Anyhow, I found this site that matches widows as penpals. Immediately, there were three widows around my age, with kids whose husbands died in the same time frame posted in my inbox. I don't know what it is about this, but it has made me sob. A year ago today, I would have never guessed that I would be reaching out to other young widows via the internet out of loneliness and a desire to be understood and unjudged. I feel for these other women and wonder if they feel as lost but forcing themselves to wear a brave face. Are they as scared? Scatterbrained? Lonely? Does everything cease to have meaning to them? Do they force themselves to pretend that it's all okay in the hopes that they will believe it too? Do they worry that others feel that they would deal with this loss differently? Do they throw themselves into life and all that is entailed to cover and hide? Do they feel exhausted and fed up? Do they want to run away? Do they feel like no one else knows?
THE FIREHOUSE CHRONICLES – EPISODE 15
4 weeks ago