Friday, March 13, 2009

holding hands

Last weekend, Matt mentioned to me another widow and a conference that he thought that I should attend. He's going and I would truly love to meet him in person. There are times that I really don't know who I would have talked to who would have understood what I was trying to say if it weren't for Matt. When I read the info about the conference, I was excited and so wanted to go. Although, I don't actually think that I'll be able to go, the thought of being with and around so many other widows is somehow comforting and intriguing. The thought fills me with yearning to go.
I am finding that on this journey, although your family and friends care so deeply and want to help and understand so very much, the only people who truly 'get it' are other widows/ers. And the thought that I could be in a room filled with people who know what it is to struggle to live after the person that you lived for and with is gone....It makes me want to...well, it makes me want to go too.
Anyhow, I found this site that matches widows as penpals. Immediately, there were three widows around my age, with kids whose husbands died in the same time frame posted in my inbox. I don't know what it is about this, but it has made me sob. A year ago today, I would have never guessed that I would be reaching out to other young widows via the internet out of loneliness and a desire to be understood and unjudged. I feel for these other women and wonder if they feel as lost but forcing themselves to wear a brave face. Are they as scared? Scatterbrained? Lonely? Does everything cease to have meaning to them? Do they force themselves to pretend that it's all okay in the hopes that they will believe it too? Do they worry that others feel that they would deal with this loss differently? Do they throw themselves into life and all that is entailed to cover and hide? Do they feel exhausted and fed up? Do they want to run away? Do they feel like no one else knows?


Single Parent Dad said...

I, sadly, know what you mean. I have struggled in the UK to find people in a similar boat. I do have a friend that lives at the other end of the country that lost his wife. And we have been in touch a bit, but in a more chin up/how are you situation. Reading and commenting with Candice has been of much more comfort, our situations are similar, timeline, if gender polar opposite.

I hope you find some help amongst fellow widows.

Hawkfeather said...

is there somethign making this conference a *maybe* for you Jackie?

if there is anything *we* can do to make it easier- or possible for you to attend- *ASK*...

I know I would help- with various things- monetary- physical.. whatever.. I am sure it is possible- if you want it. manifest it momma.

if this is something you have found that might help in anyway- I am sure I am not the only one out here who would like to see you get there!

_although.. your word verification today actually (literally) says

i will take that as "it could be_____"..and take it as a positive!..heh

darcie said...

Yeah Jackie - What Hawkfeather said - What is the *maybe* that is holding you back? This could be such an invaluable few days for you! We are here reading, supporting, cheering you on - but to meet more folks to *just know* oh Jackie - you HAVE to do it...Besides, the opportunity to hang out with Matt in the warm months when he's not wearing one of those goofy puffball beanies? You can't pass that up! He really is even more of a great guy in person than he is online or on the phone!
Please do it Jackie - do it for us creepy folks who are rooting for you!! you need a sitter or two?

matt_in_the_los_angeles said...

you better be there. oh wait...on second thought, i don't need you there, laughing at me as i practice me public speaking.


get your ass to san diego in july.

and get kim to join you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jackie,

I've been reading your blog for a while now, and having known Matt and his experience, you should definitely go! I also just lost my father to cancer in November. He was 53. I am going to encourage my stepmom to attend as well.

If you do go, we have plenty of room to accommodate you all, although it is in the L.A. area.

Hope you can attend!
Jessica K.

Maureen in PA said...

Jackie-This is one of those times that you need to ask for help. Whatever it is,whatever it takes for you to go to this, do it. If its money, child care, places to stay, whatever....just ask. I know there are LOTS of Creeps out there that want to make this happen for you and are just waiting to find out how we can help. I know, because I'm one of them. This is such an amazing opportunity, don't pass it up, please....

leigh in the sav said...

oh, jackie! i hope so much that you can go. it could absolutely be a reality!
i think this could do wonders for you. finding and bonding with others who share your pain is essential to feeling "normal," not to mention it would be a lovely place at a lovely time of year - could do wonders for you to have a bit of a trip!
i recognize this may sound silly to say, but if there is anything - any thing! i could do to help make this a reality, please let me know!!

love briar's naked tush in the previous post!

Marissa said...

let's get you there jackie!!

for real, lay it out there - let us help you.

Creepy Katy said...

When I experienced a tragedy, NOTHING helped like talking to people who had been there too. For that reason alone, I dearly hope you will find a way to go...and if we can help, let us know!

Ask yourself this...would you ever regret going? And then this...would you ever regret NOT going?

AKA "Meesh" said...

One word:


That's it. It will offer you more than you can imagine.


Laurie said...

Ditto what everyone else has said. You really need to go to the conference. Let us help you out and make it a reality!!!

Dianne said...

Jackie, Here's a simple solution. Please create a new email address and share it with us. Then we would all have the opportunity to voluntarily send money to your "get to the conference" fund through PayPal using that email address.

It would be a kindness to those of us who have come to know you through your blog if you would allow us this opportunity. Helping you get to benefit from this conference is also a way that we can also help your precious children in the long run.

Ashley said...

I agree Jackie - we would love to help get you there however we can!!