Wednesday, May 14, 2008

who are you?

I want to know who the jackass in my head is who keeps 'whispering' Jeff's name to me. Sometimes while I am completely engaged in some task this torturing jerk will mention to me "Jeff's dead." as if I didn't know. It want to vomit as these words hit me. I know it's just me telling myself. Maybe it's my subconscious' way of coming to terms with this awful reality. I don't know but it repeats like a skipping record at times when I least expect it. I worry about my sanity. Is this normal? ...My 'new normal'?
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1 comment:

Candice said...

Yup, it's normal. It doesn't ever go away entirely, either, even years from now. I'm a month away from the 3-year anniversary of my husband's death, and I *STILL* get this same nasty voice in my head at times...and it's still just as new and incomprehensible in these moments as it was in the beginning.

Hang in there....It's fathomless all the forms the "new normal" can and will take, but I'd guess that almost anything you think and do is normal given the circumstances.

(And I know this is an older post, but I just found your blog this week and am catching up on earlier ones.)

1:16 AM

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