I've decided to ask for help. I can't do all of this alone. Now, while the kids and I are sick with the stomach flu again, I fell even more overwhelmed with what life is for us these days. So I am going to try to not complain or bitch. I'm just going to ask for help if and when I need it. Yes, lots of these things I CAN do on my own. But only, if and when I have time aside from caring, teaching and feeding the kids, keeping and cleaning the house, the pets, seemingly unending bureaucratic issues regarding Jeff's death, yard work, attempting to stay afloat financiall, etc. It seems that these times were sparse at the best of times. Now, they are virtually non-existent.
So, I asked a friend to come over next week to help tape and putty the drywall in the basement (one of the projects Jeff and I were trying to get done before Winter). I know it's not a necessity but I want to complete it so that we have a cozy little spot beside the woodstove to hang out together on the cold and blustery days. Something to look forward to and hopefully, it will cease to remind me of the days just before Jeff died once it's finished. A new start.
I am hiring a plumber to fix the bathroom sink faucet that I have 'fixed' three times in the last couple of months. Also, I can't unplug the sink no matter how I try. I can only guess what has been shoved in there. I had planned to fix the dripping water intake valve into the basement. But, evidently, plumbing is not my forte and I give-up.
An amazing friend, Danielle, brought over home-made chicken soup yesterday and fed, played with and got the kids ready for bed while I had a HOT bath. I had tried to protest on the phone, but she had none of it. She came over and it was wonderful to not have to be 'on' for an evening....especially whille fighting the flu.
I am thinking that if I ask for help or even just take the kindness that other people offer, I may not feel so alone. I'll feel part of a community...one which I can give back to as well. A circle of support.
So, here I go. If I need something, I may just ask. I try to be 'super-uber-can-do it-mom-person' alone. But I can't...all the time.
The Silencing of a Poet
1 day ago