I've decided to pull Liv from grade one at 'conventional' school. I think it's too soon to start after Jeff's death. I guess I'll never know for sure if her difficult reaction is due to school jitters or the loss of her daddy so recently; but I think her feelings of safety, comfort and security are foremost at this time. There are worries I have about this BUT I also feel that all we have is now. I have been worried about the future, what it holds and how to prepare for it. I have no idea what it will come but I do know that my poor child is struggling NOW. She repeatedly tells me she's afraid. This is the little girl who was NEVERfearful. Rarely shy. Now even putting her little legs in her blankets at night terrifies her as she doesn't know what's 'in there'. Walking through those doors at school is enough to put her into sobs of "PLEASE Mommy don't leave me! I'm afraid! Don't let go! PLEASE!!!" as the teacher pries her little body away from mine. I know that many children face this at the advent of the school years. I know that many parents are filled with trepidation when sending their little ones 'off into the big world'. But I feel that there is something more going on here. I don't feel that she is 'getting her way' as some have said. I feel that she needs me. I'm her mother. If she needs help getting through this right now, I need to be here for her. She'll be starting back at her 'old school' and we'll work on this together...as a mommy guiding her little one through some really crappy shit. And hopefully, Liv can start to feel safe again.
This blog contains a fair amount of swearing, painful and difficult subject matter. If you have objections of any kind, I believe it's your right to not agree. But, please, keep those objections to yourself and keep yourself busy withsomething else.
A few musings of a homeschooling, crafting, neurotic, organic loving and, most of all, kiddo adoring mommy...I've now become a widow. My best friend and husband died of a pulmonary embolism on March 25th, 2008. This blog has now become a place for me to mentally unload and try to figure out how to do this and who I am without him.