Since Jeff died, I don't 'wish' anymore. Partly, it is because there almost seems to be nothing to wish for. But mostly, I really don't want to wish. I am afraid of the wishes that I'd make on fallen eyelashes, birthday cakes and 11:11...When Jeff died, in a horrible and twisted fucking way, they came true. I wished to lose a bit of weight....I can fit all my pre-pregnancy clothes again now. I wished Jeff would quit fishing....He isn't fishing anymore. I wished certain bills would be paid off....some bills that were in his or the business name are gone with his death. There are more but I just creep myself out...
Needless to say, I will never wish again. Wishes do come true. Just definitely NOT how you want or expect them to. If I had thought this would happen, I would have wished that Jeff would be alive forever....Maybe, in some way, he is? Maybe I shouldn't have wished that afterall. I would want it in the physical sense. Not just the spiritual sense....Argh. This makes my head ache.
The Silencing of a Poet
4 weeks ago