my not-so-crappy list

Everyday, I try to do something that brings me and the kids joy. I don't feel the need to 'tell' anyone that I am not mainly negative lately....but I thought it may do ME some good to take a little inventory of the little things that make me smile lately... There are two little faces that shine at me every morning and all through the day that offer me the possibility of hope. Their presence is comforting and amusing and I feel so very, very blessed to them with me. They make me laugh often.

I am finding that photography has been a huge help in forcing me to find beauty around us. I am always on the hunt for colour, texture and sweet little faces. It makes me see the 'good' around me rather than miring myself in grief.

I love to hula hoop. It sounds ridiculous but I bought myself an adult sized hula hoop and haven't looked back since. Liv and I do it together. She can hula with four hoops, run while hooping and do it up her neck and down to her knees! I can do two at a time and can only walk like I am simultaneously hooping and having a seizure but I do enjoy it. Often, when the kids go to bed, I talk on the phone or watch a movie while hula hooping. It makes me laugh and have exercise at the same time. I love my list. I have a white board with all the tasks that I forget on it. It gives me IMMENSE satisfaction to wipe a line off.
I love getting the needed tasks around the house finished...especially when it is something that has needed fixing for awhile and involves power tools. It just seems to much more ....satisfying if I get to use something that could remove a body part and yet come out unscathed. I feel like I can take on anything and survive.

Chopping wood gives me the same sort of satisfaction...so much so that I needed to put it in again. I feel capable swinging an axe and ensuring that we'll be warm this winter. Preparing. Protecting.

I was asked the other day, though, how much wood we go through in a winter. I didn't know. Jeff knew. I would chop and stack with him. But he'd get the wood. He knew how much we went through. I guess I'll have to learn.
I LOVE berries. I love picking them and eating them and cooking with them and freezing them. I have begun my late summer hoard of the little balls of deliciousness.
I really enjoy getting mail. Unfortunately, most of the mail I get lately is either bills or involves the copious amounts of paperwork involving Jeff's death and the closure of his business...But I love 'happy mail' when it comes.

I also really love getting the comments on the blog. It is comforting to know that their are some people out there who listen to me. Who may not know me but will be a shoulder and hear me. Thank you. Your words of encouragement are heard and treasured.

I love our chickens. I find it comforting and cathartic to watch the birds wander around and peck or investigate their surroundings. Their lives must be so relaxing...other than worrying about Freckles, they just hang out and eat.

I have not mentioned all the poultry happenings as of late as I have been nervous about introducing anyone only to have them be a doggy treat. BUT I think I have it down to a science now. Anyhow, we have two of the original chicks (Lucy and a spazzy rooster - the rooster will be headed to Penny's soon. He doesn't make any noise but he really has a healthy.....sexual appetite and poor Lucy is not happy with his constant affections). We have two smallish pullets that Liv caught at Penny's and two turkeys, Pilgrim and Noel. We, also, *big gulp* have an incubator full of duck eggs again. Before you call PETA, please know that I have moved the incubator into the garage, far from Freckles waiting jaws. I am at a loss as to why I didn't think of it earlier.
My veggie garden brings me joy as well. Although it isn't nearly the garden it has been in previous years, it is still providing some food for our table and a feeling of satisfaction for me. I wish I had been more interested in it earlier this year as I now feel capable enough to care for it...but there is always next year.
Anyhow, I find small pockets of pleasure in these little things. To me, at times, it is a miracle that I can find joy. But other times, when I see those giggling faces or feel sticky little fingers wound around mine, I can't imagine not seeing it.