I've been referring to this week not-so-fondly as 'Shit Week'. I think it's been the hardest week since the early stages of losing Jeff. The five month anniversary of his death. My birthday. My grandfather's surgery. Now our anniversary. Possibly putting Eli down. Some huge decisions that I have to make alone. Just constant reminders of the life that stretches before me without him at my side.
I had planned to book Jeff and I a night or two at the resort we went to after we got married to celebrate our anniversary. Now I'll spend it sitting on the couch trying to forget by watching some sort of crap on the tv.
I have decided, though, that since we didn't have a 'proper' honeymoon; one day, I'll do it for us. We had always planned to go to Ireland for a honeymoon when the kids were old enough to be away from us for a couple of weeks (Liv was two years old when we got married). So, when/if I land on my feet, I am going to put a few dollars away when I can and go to Ireland with Jeff. Unfortunately, he'll be in the form of a small amount of ashes in the locket around my neck, but I will try to the things we were going to do.
Anyhow, I am trying to not be too 'poor me' this week. But, fuck, I feel 'poor me'. I can't wait until it's over. I may have to have a drink to celebrate it's end....maybe two.
The Silencing of a Poet
4 weeks ago