Sunday, March 16, 2008

life goes on?

Okay, I warn you; this is going to be a post where I indulge in...reminiscence and 'if onlys' . If you can handle that, read on....
Just a few months ago, I wrote a post about liberating the blog from being primarily about our family and make it a source for the unburdening of MY mind. The majority of my mental release has always been creative (okay, that and talking).
As a child, my creative outlet was painting/drawing, reading or imaginative play. As a teenager, basically, whatever supplies the art class provided became my medium and, again, reading. It was at this time that I had decided that I would LOVE to illustrate children's books. My favourite illustrator/author was always Steven Kellogg.
As I got older, my life veered onto different tracks and into different towns. I worked in a pub for seven years where I would sit and draw on quiet nights and even took some distance education college courses. When I moved from that little town, I moved in with Jeff and started going to school in the hopes of getting a degree in Graphic Design.
Weeellllll, life happens so differently than we plan so often and we were very shortly expecting our fabulously amazing little daughter. I didn't continue with school after Olivia was born, but I have tried to keep 'crafty'. In the last while, I have noticed that I haven't been drawing... at all. I find myself looking at other people's art work longingly and enviously (nicely, though!) wishing that I could do something even remotely as beautiful too. I don't completely know why I haven't other than the business that comes from raising little ones; but I think I lost my artistic mojo. I am mourning it.
I was searching and searching for my portfolio to take me down memory (and hopefully, inspiration) lane only to find it missing! I thought I had searched every nook and cranny, thinking that it had been lost in our move six months ago, when I finally looked one last time in a closet that I know checked before and FOUND IT!
I am so pleased to have it with me and to look through the artwork again. I am finding that the much of it isn't finished. I would love to try to work on getting myself confident enough to try drawing/painting again...just even doodle. It seems so long ago and a different person who worked on these things. I wish I could go back in time and push myself a little harder.
I know that some same that the path you're on is the path you're meant to be on....but I still wonder. Do you ever wonder? Is there somewhere else that you thought you'd be?
I so do not regret my life or my family. They are the BEST things that have ever happened to me....I am just having a major case of the 'what-ifs'.


Krista said...

Wow, each of those is absolutely incredible. You have some serious, undeniable talent there girl. So glad you found these after your great hunt (don't you love when those lost relics actually "do" turn up sometimes, when so many don't?!) and so glad you posted them up here.

See you soon.

(and I think what if's are fun to visit sometimes, too. and yes, I'm up late and commenting because I certain little girl got completely riled by all the fiddling this even and she's still up monkeying around on the floor beside me! it's 10:30 pm!)

Krista said...

(that was supposed to say "this evening" ooops)

Katarina said...

OMG, you are so talented!!!!!You have to find some time to draw or to create more!You will feel reborn!!!!
OH, and thanks so much for stopping by my blog;)


Rach said...

I also have the 'what if's' sometimes - I think we all do. I got into a really good fine art school and then changed my mind at the last minute thinking law would be far more 'sensible.' I was 18 - what was I being all sensible for - I hardly ever was! So I sometimes think what would have happened if had gone to that art school... But I do love the way things have turned out.

PS - I hated law and I did a Sociology degree...

GreenStyleMom said...

Wow! Very impressive work!

Poppy & Mei said...

I have a great idea.
How 'bout you go get a pencil & paper & start again now. Right now!
Go! Go! Go! Xxx

the puRple gRasshoppeR said...

I agree with poppy and mei... start again now!! you have MAYOR TALENT!!!!, every second day grab a pencil and see where it takes you, start little by little and you will see how everything starts to flow.
I always have a sketch pad where ever I go, because you never know when you'll have the time specially with little ones.
The "what if's" are so important because a lot of times they turn into "why not?", and amazing things happen after that.