Okay, I warn you; this is going to be a post where I indulge in...reminiscence and 'if onlys' . If you can handle that, read on....
Just a few months ago, I wrote a post about liberating the blog from being primarily about our family and make it a source for the unburdening of MY mind. The majority of my mental release has always been creative (okay, that and talking).
As a child, my creative outlet was painting/drawing, reading or imaginative play. As a teenager, basically, whatever supplies the art class provided became my medium and, again, reading. It was at this time that I had decided that I would LOVE to illustrate children's books. My favourite illustrator/author was always Steven Kellogg.
As I got older, my life veered onto different tracks and into different towns. I worked in a pub for seven years where I would sit and draw on quiet nights and even took some distance education college courses. When I moved from that little town, I moved in with Jeff and started going to school in the hopes of getting a degree in Graphic Design.
Weeellllll, life happens so differently than we plan so often and we were very shortly expecting our fabulously amazing little daughter. I didn't continue with school after Olivia was born, but I have tried to keep 'crafty'. In the last while, I have noticed that I haven't been drawing... at all. I find myself looking at other people's art work longingly and enviously (nicely, though!) wishing that I could do something even remotely as beautiful too. I don't completely know why I haven't other than the business that comes from raising little ones; but I think I lost my artistic mojo. I am mourning it.
I was searching and searching for my portfolio to take me down memory (and hopefully, inspiration) lane only to find it missing! I thought I had searched every nook and cranny, thinking that it had been lost in our move six months ago, when I finally looked one last time in a closet that I know checked before and FOUND IT!
I am so pleased to have it with me and to look through the artwork again. I am finding that the much of it isn't finished. I would love to try to work on getting myself confident enough to try drawing/painting again...just even doodle. It seems so long ago and a different person who worked on these things. I wish I could go back in time and push myself a little harder.
I know that some same that the path you're on is the path you're meant to be on....but I still wonder. Do you ever wonder? Is there somewhere else that you thought you'd be?
I so do not regret my life or my family. They are the BEST things that have ever happened to me....I am just having a major case of the 'what-ifs'.
The Firehouse Chronicles – Episode 14
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