backstroke

I am often told lately that I am being 'so strong', that I am so capable and am doing better than others think they would do in this situation. I have a choice. Please excuse the cliche, but I can either 'sink or swim'. Being a parent, I think that the majority of people with children would choose to swim. I don't want to. I want to sleep...I want to be a pebble at the bottom of a deep pool but I don't have a choice in my mind. I need to teach these small sweet kiddos that even though something so astronomically awful has happened to us, we limp on. We hold each other up, we give each other hugs, we forgive each other when it is too much and we swim on. I can't let them sink so I must swim to keep their heads above the swirling water too. It may be the backstroke and I may be swimming crookedly and slowly, but I have to keep going if I'm going to give them any sort of life worth living....Even when I can hear the siren song of the mermaids drawing me below...I must swim on.
I'm not strong. I'm just a mommy who loves our kids.