I'm feeling so bogged down. There is so much to do. I am trying to get all my stuff done, plus all the paperwork, etc. regarding Jeff's death, and then all of the projects that Jeff was doing at the time of his death.
I've been putting cedar siding up on the garage, finished installing all the chain link fencing, fixing taps in the bathroom, etc. There is still so much to do. Then, I begin to feel so fucking overwhelmed because whatever I fix leads to something that needs my attention as well.
When I shut off the water so that I could fix the faucet in the bathtub, I found that the shut off valve in the basement is leaking. I'm putting siding up only to find that I have only enough painted to partially cover it all. I paint the garage doors only to find that they look blaring white compared to the remained of the trim on the house and have to paint all the trim as well.
There are so many projects and necessities that need attention around here. There is nothing I can do but to work away at them. But I wonder how will I ever have a chance to work on someway to financially support the kids and myself. Is it just because I am mentally overwhelmed as well? Is it because the every day stuff needs doing constantly as well? Is it because, although I love the kids and being with them, I need to have a few hours to myself to process this and decompress? I just don't know and I am feeling frustrated with myself and my inability to 'finish' anything.
The Silencing of a Poet
4 weeks ago