Okay. Here goes. I've decided I am not going to close my blog. Or password protect it. I find my blog too cathartic a place to lay my heart out as I learn to live without Jeff. I will, however, place a disclaimer at the top of the page. I realize that there are some people who do not understand what it is that I am going through. I understand that they are not in the position to know what may help or hinder my path towards a less pained heart. I do not write in this space to cause anyone any pain or discomfort. But I do need a place to release these terrible feelings. I feel that I need this to function as both a human and as a mother. My children need a mother who doesn't feel stifled and filled with sadness and fear. They need a mother who deals with her pain and tries to stand up and face the day again. I do not want to be pent up and angry. I am scared, lost and terribly and horribly bereft after losing my love, my best friend, my husband and the father of my children. I am going to grip onto anything that gives me some peace and my children a less grief stricken mother. I am tired of the drama. I am tired of the issues. And I am tired of the untruthful bullshit. You will not hear about the possiblity of me closing the blog again. I am not 'airing dirty laundry'. I do not believe these thoughts and feelings are that of soiled clothing. This is my life and how I am dealing with it.
This blog contains a fair amount of swearing, painful and difficult subject matter. If you have objections of any kind, I believe it's your right to not agree. But, please, keep those objections to yourself and keep yourself busy withsomething else.
A few musings of a homeschooling, crafting, neurotic, organic loving and, most of all, kiddo adoring mommy...I've now become a widow. My best friend and husband died of a pulmonary embolism on March 25th, 2008. This blog has now become a place for me to mentally unload and try to figure out how to do this and who I am without him.