decision time

Okay. Here goes. I've decided I am not going to close my blog. Or password protect it. I find my blog too cathartic a place to lay my heart out as I learn to live without Jeff. I will, however, place a disclaimer at the top of the page. I realize that there are some people who do not understand what it is that I am going through. I understand that they are not in the position to know what may help or hinder my path towards a less pained heart. I do not write in this space to cause anyone any pain or discomfort. But I do need a place to release these terrible feelings. I feel that I need this to function as both a human and as a mother. My children need a mother who doesn't feel stifled and filled with sadness and fear. They need a mother who deals with her pain and tries to stand up and face the day again. I do not want to be pent up and angry. I am scared, lost and terribly and horribly bereft after losing my love, my best friend, my husband and the father of my children. I am going to grip onto anything that gives me some peace and my children a less grief stricken mother. I am tired of the drama. I am tired of the issues. And I am tired of the untruthful bullshit. You will not hear about the possiblity of me closing the blog again. I am not 'airing dirty laundry'. I do not believe these thoughts and feelings are that of soiled clothing. This is my life and how I am dealing with it.