Tuesday, June 10, 2008

someone who knows

Jeff and I had knew a fisherman who died suddenly two years ago leaving a wife and kids behind. I remember at the time thinking I should send her something to help out...but didn't know what to send. I had intended to help her; who knew it would be her who would help me?

I had never met his wife but knew him from the pub that I had worked at for seven years. Suddenly the other night, I had the urge to connect with her. Last night, I called. I didn't know if she wouldn't want to talk about it. If maybe she didn't want to deal with it or wouldn't be able to tell me it would be okay since she was still 'in the thick of it'.

I am so glad I called. I cried. I asked her if there was hope. We talked about the parallels between their deaths. How the kids are doing. Which avenues were the most helpful for providing financial support. Which fisherman continued to call to check to make sure she was okay. Her beliefs in the possibility of life after death. Going up against WCB for a pension.

It was so helpful. She was so helpful. I felt ridiculous calling and dropping this 'hi, you don't know me but....' but she was great.

She just opened a landscaping business. Her children are doing well despite having a few hiccups and missing their dad. She's doing well. I can't imagine being there yet. But I am happy to see that it is possible. I am happy to see that it is possible to still love and miss your husband but to move forward and become whole once again.


Poppy & Mei said...


TheSingingBird said...

Hello, I've been hesitant to leave a comment before because I don't want to intrude or in any way tell you how to grieve as I think it is as private and individual and unique a process as each person is unique.

I do want to say that I believe the urge you had to connect with this dear person is what you've been questioning and searching for as the Source of our existence. It may be that it was your loved one speaking to you in the only way he could reach you, or maybe something else entirely, but you listened after reaching out through your blog and you heard the guidance to make the call...to me that speaks volumes.

I wish there was anything I could do to help you through your grief, but you are asking the questions and you are listening...and that's the best any of us can do in this life....♥

Anonymous said...

Hi ~

I too have been hesitant to really comment, because I've never been through anything even close to what you're going through.

I would like to let you know that your honesty has helped me, however. I'm battling breast cancer and I once thought this was such a terrible thing....well, I don't anymore. I've pulled up my boot straps and decided that every day I have on this earth is a precious gift that I will cherish. That's because of you, sweetie. Your courage and ability to share through your words have given me the proverbial kick in the ass that I needed. I thank you for that, my family thanks you for that and so do all of my very dear friends.

Also, I understand the gratification in finding someone who you can really relate to. There's nothing that brought me more comfort and hope than developing a relationship with someone who really get's 'it'. I've connected with this woman, who has children the same ages as mine and her diagnosis/treatment/prognosis is the same as mine and it's been a tremendous help.

Continue to follow your heart and do what you must to walk through this fire. I hope that knowing you're helping others during this horrific time will offer you just a bit of peace.

You are in my constant thoughts and prayers.

Love and huge hugs,

13mimosa said...

I'm so pleased you remembered her. I hope she continues to offer you support.