homecoming

Jeff is home....I so wish I could say that for real. His remains are home.
I am struggling with this. It is so surreal to me that the shirt that he discarded on the floor the night before he died smells so intensely like him. His scent also lingers in his mack jacket that hangs over the baby gate....but his body ceases to exist. His body is contained in a small box that now resides on the bedside table. But I can still smell him in his clothing, his truck and his workshop. He's here. But he's not.
Jeff's sister bought me a locket of sorts that contains a small portion of his ashes. Olivia wants to wear it....and sleep with it. She told me that she knows why it is shape like a tear drop. She said, "It's because you cry all the time now."