Tuesday, April 08, 2008

homecoming

Jeff is home....I so wish I could say that for real. His remains are home.
I am struggling with this. It is so surreal to me that the shirt that he discarded on the floor the night before he died smells so intensely like him. His scent also lingers in his mack jacket that hangs over the baby gate....but his body ceases to exist. His body is contained in a small box that now resides on the bedside table. But I can still smell him in his clothing, his truck and his workshop. He's here. But he's not.
Jeff's sister bought me a locket of sorts that contains a small portion of his ashes. Olivia wants to wear it....and sleep with it. She told me that she knows why it is shape like a tear drop. She said, "It's because you cry all the time now."

9 comments:

Yarrow said...

Oh my.....that is...I don't have the words. My thoughts are with you still. Blessings and peace to you and your little ones.

about denise said...

I think you are one of the strongest people I have ever come across. I am amazed at how you continue to handle yourself with such dignity and grace. I wish you the best, and will continue to keep you in my thoughts.

Denise

Simone said...

I have just found your blog. My heart aches for you and hot tears are streaming down my face. I really hope that things get better for you. I have been looking at some of your old posts. You have a wonderful family and lots of wonderful memories. I cannot offer any practical support but just wanted you to know that complete strangers are thinking of you and your family and hoping and praying that your pain will go away. X

peppermint t said...

Just want you to know that I'm sending my good thoughts to you and your little ones every day.

Becky said...

*hugs*

Rach said...

thinking of you, xxx

Hil said...

I hate finding your blog now, when you're suffering so much. I'm so sorry to hear of your family's loss.

Anonymous said...

Jackie,

I'm thinking of you and your family. I wish I could make the pain go away. I wish you strength for the day.

Nancy

Mama Randa Morning Glory said...

Death is such a strange thing. So hard to figure it out. My heart tells me that the energy (or spirit) will be recycled into the world again, but my analytical human mind wants to know, HOW? What exactly happens? How does energy disperse? Does someone's spirit stay intact and find a new body? Or does it kind of dissolve into the lifestream and reform with other energy before 'coming back'? I am perplexed.

My heart is still with you. Much love. I hope you continue to try to find one good thing about each day.