Saturday, April 05, 2008

I dream of Jeffrey


I had a dream of Jeff last night. He had left a message on my cellphone singing me the song we had danced to at our wedding ('Into the Mystic' by Van Morrison). At the end, he told me that he didn't have much time and to call him back as soon as I could.
He met me at some farm somewhere. He told me he had been fishing. I was laughing and crying and holding him. I was telling him that I had thought he was dead and had had a funeral for him and Oh! how I had missed him. He held me and laughed while I buried my face in his chest. I held him and hugged him and I swear I could smell him. I was so happy.
It was amazing and wonderful. I didn't want to let him go.
Then...I woke up....the world came down crashing again. Olivia was having one of her recent nightmares and was crying out for me. For a moment, I was so happy thinking what a wonderful mistake it had all been....Then, I remembered. It was just so real. I hope I have another dream like that of him soon.
I'm going to call my dream my one good thing today. I can't find much else. I feel so alone without him. There are so many things I want to tell him.

11 comments:

little red said...
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little red said...

I feel like I am trespassing here, but I think that is amazing. A few weeks after my Uncle passed away last summer I saw him in a dream and when we hugged, I felt him, smelled him. I know I did. I think that this is significant in a way I don't understand. Perhaps loved ones are reaching out to us, trying to tell us something, comfort us. I don't know, but I truly feel there is something to this. I've heard similar things too many times not to.

Yarrow said...

When a very dear aunt of mine passed away several years ago, I also dreamed of her and it was so real, I too could smell her and feel her. She told me she was fine, everything was OK. Sucha comfort. I believe that this is how sometimes they can communicate with us. Cherish it, as you are. Blessings to you.

haddy2dogs said...
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haddy2dogs said...
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13mimosa said...

I read your words again today Jackie, you made me cry for you with all the strength that you're finding within yourself. You are surviving these days, you are moving and breathing and being there, you are doing all you can do and I admire you for it.

I wish for you sweet dreams tonight.

Anonymous said...

Piglet
Thinking about you. I am sure it is gods way of letting Jeff tell you and show you that he is ok.
I had a dream about Miles that way, he told me he was ok and then he was gone and I tried despratly to find him again. I just wanted to keep sleeping so I could dream again.
You must go on with your plans with you little chickies, the kids would be so thrilled so see something fun and grow. and it will reassure them that god does not take all the beautiful thins away.
Love you lots - Pooh

Saskia said...

what a beautiful dream

Rach said...

What a lovely and terribly sad dream. Keep going Jackie.

Sherri said...

I love those kinds of dreams. I had a similar one after my mother died. She called me, laughing, and said she was doing good.

Sometimes, I think it is the life energy coming through. But, who knows?

twolimeleaves said...

I have dreams like that about my son. At first I would wake up so sad that it was a dream and he really is dead, but now, four years on, I love those dreams. I still have them sometimes and I feel as if I've been with him.
I amazed by you and your insights into this sad experience. Your children are blessed to have you as a mother.
Kirsty