Monday, April 14, 2008

Huh?

I can't keep my mind on the ball. I am always off in some far away land or 'zoned out' as Liv is fond of saying. I overfill the bathtub causing a flood in the spare bedroom downstairs. I call people the wrong names. I book two important appointments at the same time on the same day. I can't remember my phone number. I can't remember if I fed the dogs today, yesterday or two days ago. It's lucky that my kids can tell me when they're hungry, I guess. Please come back brain, I miss you too.
My one good thing today came in the form of an insect. I was making toast this morning and it dropped from somewhere above me onto the counter. We all sat and looked at it for a long time. Liv counted its' spots and declared that this was how you tell the age of a ladybug. After a little while, she told me that the ladybug was a 'present from daddy'. There were ladybugs all over the church on the day of Jeff's funeral and one clung to Liv's funeral program for a good fifteen minutes. They will always remind me of that day now but to Liv they remind her of her daddy....and that is good. I just wish it was a more positive memory. But my one good thing is how she can turn something so hard into something so beautiful. Kids are amazing. Liv is truly amazing.

3 comments:

Aunt Becky said...

I think that being forgetful is a pretty normal way of handling such a devastating situation. Your brain will return, I promise.

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

My dear Jackie,
It seems unreasonable that anyone should have to resume ordinary life so quickly after such a devastating loss. Wouldn't it be better if you could have a month or six off from daily life, attended to by helpers for every little thing? Who can deal with such mundane things as appointments and laundry and cooking etc at a time like this? Go easy on yourself. Your brain is very busy dealing with your grief.

Nothing but love,
Nancy

Mama Randa Morning Glory said...

"a present from daddy"... that's so sweet. If only we all could see things from a child's perspective. It seems so easy for them to bounce back and so very difficult for us adults. We must learn all we can from these wonderful children.