Sunday, April 06, 2008

My sweet little ones


Oh, I wish I could take the hurt away. I yearn to heal the hurt you feel for the loss of your daddy. The anger you feel, Olivia, that Daddy didn't fix your watch that morning like he told you he would. The sadness you feel that Daddy isn't there in the night to soothe your fears of the things under the bed by snuggling you under his strong and comforting arms. The frustration you feel when I am unable to fulfill your constant pleas, Briar, to 'See Daddy'. I am trying to help you through this, my little ones. I am sorry that I stumble and fall and don't really know what I am doing. I am trying so hard but I didn't ever prepare myself for this...this horror.
I wish I had taken more notice of the stories he told you. Of the songs he sang you. Of the secret jokes you had. I thought we all had forever. Now I know you'll forget and I am worried that with only me to remember, it will cease to mean anything. This breaks my heart because he loved you both more than the sun, the moon and ALL the stars. He would have protected you from any forseable pain. He would have moved a mountain to see you laugh. I don't want you to forget his love, his laugh or his devotion to you. I will try to remember every moment for you....I only wish it were enough.

11 comments:

Poppy & Mei said...

"...he loved you both more than the sun, the moon and ALL the stars. He would have protected you from any forseable pain. He would have moved a mountain to see you laugh."

It's all right there Jackie...Xxx

Rach said...

You will remember things. As you are doing, write them down and they will never, ever be forgotten. They will never forget how he loves them.

They are just gorgeous. x

D said...

Hi, came under a friend's recommendation. My condolences to you for your recent loss. I too lost my husband - slightly more than 5 months ago on his 38th birthday. In my religion, wives are to mourn for 4 months and 10 days - an amazing period that allows you to really pause and reflect. Go on with your bereavement, you will hopefully be fine when you are ready. God bless.

Yarrow said...

Oh so beautiful. I cannot imagine.....my heart is filled with thoughts of you and your children. Love and blessings.

Dawn said...

Your beautiful children and you are still in my thoughts and prayers.

sarah sawatsky said...

It's beautiful to hear your heart speak so free of the pain, and rage, frustration that you are going through I know you will remember more and more as you heal. The simplest memories will mean so much to your kids as they get older and it is precious that you are able to still write your thoughts for them to one day read. Your blog alone will one day be a great source of memories for them. Make sure to get it printed some day. I keep you in my prayers even though we've never met. Give yourself time to heal. Your kids will ache but it is so good that they have a mommy who can express her grief and speak of it. Sarah

Carle said...

You are enough, that is why he chose you! You will know exactly how to support them and encourage them.
I think of you daily but cant read your blog every day - because [sigh] I really feel your words in my heart and I am left aching for you. I cant imagine how it must feel to be you. I am so thankful for each day I am with Karl, every day I am a better mother,friend, lover and wife. So I thank you for blogging your journey and will to continue to read, and to love you and keep you in my heart.

Blessings
Carle

Mama Randa Morning Glory said...

You're children are wonderful, and though the journey is painful, they'll pull through alright.
The chicks are so cute, I think having them will be really great, especially for your children.
Thinking about you often.

Greenmama said...

Hi Jackie,

There is nothing I, a stranger, can really say except that I hear your pain and worry and fear and sadness and loneliness, and even the love and hope and strength.

Marjorie

Elise said...

Jackie...I am here with Heather Frazer we are reading your blog. Thank you for sharing with us, we feel so much love for you and your children. We can not imagine what you are feeling but we will say a prayer for you tonight and hope you feel our energy. We have so much compassion for you. Sending big hugs full of warmth and security.

Jacks said...

Your writing is beautiful, sad, haunting almost...

I cannot imagine the pain, but please know that I am thinking of you and your family.