Sunday, April 06, 2008

Rage

I can't help but feel angry these days. I am consumed by anger and frustration. I am so bloody mad at Jeff. Why wouldn't he let me take him to the doctor earlier? Why did he leave me like this? I asked him so many times to take care of himself...He has such young children and a wife who is home with them. I am so lonely for him and I am so mad that he's gone!!!!!! I am furious that he left his small children to try to recover after this trauma. I am livid that I must carry all this out alone. What was he thinking? Why did he do this to us?
I know it all is normal to feel this way....but sometimes, I could throw something or scream. It makes it hard to go out when I am so consumed with this rage and I just want to express it....to whomever innocently happens upon my path.
Will it go away? Will I ever feel normal?

5 comments:

Poppy & Mei said...

The rage will subside & you'll find a different kind of normal.
Sending you strength...Xxx

ummi said...

it's normal to feel abnormal after what happen. I had a friend who just lost his husband recently. He pass away only after a month he been diagnose with cancer. She been left alone with four children in a country which she got nobody with her such as family member.

May be you can visit her blog.
http://pausetoreflect.blogspot.com/

Rach said...

The rage will lessen in time. Perhaps its ok to go out into the garden at night and just throw some thing...x

Yarrow said...

I know its cliche, but "time will hela all". Its very hard to imagine it, but it does only take time. Blessings.

Becky said...

anger is a completely normal part of grief, and it's so hard.

I'm s very sorry for your tremendous loss.