Sunday, April 06, 2008


I can't help but feel angry these days. I am consumed by anger and frustration. I am so bloody mad at Jeff. Why wouldn't he let me take him to the doctor earlier? Why did he leave me like this? I asked him so many times to take care of himself...He has such young children and a wife who is home with them. I am so lonely for him and I am so mad that he's gone!!!!!! I am furious that he left his small children to try to recover after this trauma. I am livid that I must carry all this out alone. What was he thinking? Why did he do this to us?
I know it all is normal to feel this way....but sometimes, I could throw something or scream. It makes it hard to go out when I am so consumed with this rage and I just want to express whomever innocently happens upon my path.
Will it go away? Will I ever feel normal?


Poppy & Mei said...

The rage will subside & you'll find a different kind of normal.
Sending you strength...Xxx

ummi said...

it's normal to feel abnormal after what happen. I had a friend who just lost his husband recently. He pass away only after a month he been diagnose with cancer. She been left alone with four children in a country which she got nobody with her such as family member.

May be you can visit her blog.

Rach said...

The rage will lessen in time. Perhaps its ok to go out into the garden at night and just throw some thing...x

Yarrow said...

I know its cliche, but "time will hela all". Its very hard to imagine it, but it does only take time. Blessings.

Becky said...

anger is a completely normal part of grief, and it's so hard.

I'm s very sorry for your tremendous loss.